First 3 weeks = complete

As of today, I've been in SA from 3 complete weeks and I've worked at Aurora and the AIDS Haven for 2. I also started going to the schools for their afternoon 'Lifeskills' class (HIV/AIDS teaching), but I haven't done much there. The first day with the Lifeskills, we arrived at the school after the bell had rung so not all of the kids were there. So we basically played games with them for about an hour - the first half of which I lead. I felt a bit terrified standing up in front of a bunch of middle school aged strangers. But most of them had a good attitude and spirit. There were 2 girls there asking me about my cartilage piercing because my ear was red and they wondered if it hurt. I told them that no, it didn't hurt but when I got it pierced, it hurt for about 2 weeks. They gasped, stuck their tongues out, and said their tongue piercings hurt for only a day. I said, oh that's cool, but all I was thinking was, 'you're 12 years old! Why in the world do you have your tongue pierced?'

The second time I went to the Lifeskills class, it was all in Xhosa - a native language with 'clicks' in it that's spoken by Blacks in this area. Some parts were in English, but the vast majority was lecture in Xhosa. This was the time so far that I've felt the most out of place. I always feel a bit out of place because I'm white and American, but I've grown used to that and don't really notice it anymore. I'm not sure how much longer I'll go to the Lifeskills teaching because it really doesn't seem like they need me there. But I'm only going there the afternoons that I'm at Aurora in the mornings and I'm not sure how much longer I want to work at Aurora.

Whenever I'm at Aurora, there's always at least 3 other careworkers there, plus random volunteers who come by, for a class with 8 children in it. However, most of the time, there's only 5-6 kids because they're out sick (they get sick pretty easily) or at the doctors or whatever. Twice now, I've been there when there's been more adults than children there. Of course, these kids need more attention and care but most of the time, I feel like they would be just fine without me.

I also don't get along with the teacher that well. She's a bit of an oddball. She also will slap the kids' hands or flick their mouths if they're doing something wrong or something she doesn't like. We had a conversation about it last Friday when she forced a kid to do something he didn't want to do and he was crying. I got upset not only because she was forcing this child, but more because of the lack of concern and empathy with which she did it. She seemed to view the situation with simple curiosity as she didn't know why the child didn't want to do what she wanted him to do. She could tell I was upset by this and later she brought it up by asking me if I thought they were too strict with the children. I was very upfront and honest with her. I told her that I thought it was wrong to deliberately cause a child physical pain, especially a special needs child who is incapable of understanding and processing a situation like a "normal" child. I said I thought that it's wrong to use any kind of violence with any child and that I would not do that. She basically told me that what she was doing wasn't that bad, that she had tried other ways and they didn't work, and that she knew these kids well enough to know what she was doing. I asked her if the parents also hit their kids and she said that they (Aurora/her) encourage the parents to do so. However, since then, she has not slapped any of the kids while I'm around. Whether she is doing this on purpose as to make me feel more comfortable or there just hasn't been a situation where she would hit a kid, I don't know. But she has been trying to talk to me more about all of the kids and such. I suppose she's being nice, but to me, she just seems to be ignoring the kids and talking to me instead of looking after them, which is her job. But I've seen her do this with all of the other volunteers there. They tend to focus on the 1-2 kids who will respond to them and then ignore the rest, which is not fair and is really the opposite of what I feel they're suppose to be doing.

Despite all of my frustrations with the adults in my classroom at Aurora, I really do love the kids there. I've also seen some of them really excel and develop and I know that that wouldn't happen if they were just at home.

I love working at the AIDS Haven and I hope that I'll be able to spend more of my time there. I definitely feel more needed there as the facility is starting to go through a transition. I talked with the woman in charge there and she said that in a few months time, when they've run out of money, the Haven will either be taken over by the church that owns the buildings or possibly be bought by a company in Jo'burg that has been sponsoring the Haven. So either way, it seems like the 32 kids there will still have a home there, but they will have to go through a transition as it will most likely be run differently with new people. She also said that they hope to change the living situation to simulate a home environment more. They hope to change some of the smaller buildings into cottages where about 7 kids would live with a house mother there, so it's more like a tradition family. But to be honest, the kids seem really happy now. They really are "normal" kids despite their crappy life situations. The kids with HIV do tend to be sick all of the time, but they behave just like any other kids. They will misbehave and not listen to us, but they'll also be really sweet and kind to us and to each other.

It's been interesting to see how quickly we've all formed bonds with the kids there. I have my favorite kid, Annie (my roommate who goes there every day) also has a favorite, and Ann (who just got here last Friday) has this one kid who just loves her. I've only spent 4 days at the Haven, but I already know it's going to be so difficult to leave in just 9 weeks.